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The REAL Reason It’s So Hard To Get Taylor Swift Tickets

Evelyn Prete, Grade 10, Staff Writer


Taylor Swift fans have been coveting tickets to her upcoming “The Eras Tour.” People who scored tickets to see the singer in concert for the first time since 2018 have become celebrities in their own right. Students at HSAS have experienced the extreme polarization firsthand, as attacks on helpless people who might sort of look like Taylor Swift continue (click here for the full story).

The difficulty of getting tickets is widely attributed to a combination of sky-high demand and technology problems, including bot attacks. However, we here at Common Nonsense have discovered the true culprit— yet another field trip. HSAS seniors, juniors, and freshmen— don’t worry! Through the strenuous effort of the entire HSAS PTA and staff, tickets have been purchased for all students and their families.* Each student will be able to invite up to five plus-ones.*

“It was really difficult to get permission to cross state lines, especially into N*w J****y,” says Ms. Peterson, a history and law teacher at HSAS. “Luckily, a few surplus tickets greased the wheels at the Dept of Ed! It was even harder to convince parents that it would be excusable to allow their children to go to what they perceived as the ‘armpit of the nation.’ However, once we told them why we wanted to take their kids to J****y, they were totally OK with it.” Many continue to wonder whether it is appropriate to take minors into That Other State Across The River, in spite of Peterson’s advocating for That Other State. “It’s really not so bad, once you’ve really seen it!” she continues to claim.

All teachers, students, and staff have been advised to keep their new status as “People Who Have Taylor Tickets” on the “down-low.” “We couldn’t have those tenth graders finding out about this, now could we?” asks Ms Kinney, who teaches sophomore geometry. “When they found out about that overnight trip the freshmen went on, and the fact that the seniors got to see 1776, they almost broke the internet with rage. Imagine what they’d do if they found out that there weren’t enough tickets for them to come see Taylor!”

*except sophomores


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