Leo Rowe, Grade 12, Staff Writer
Seniors at HSAS have been disappearing at rapid rates from gym classes. The rates of senioritis are high, but not quite high enough to account for the absences, so Common Sense set out to investigate and discovered a danger that has been lurking under the noses of everyone on the Lehman campus.
The investigation began in the gym. According to a graph created by high-tech equipment, the disappearances seemed to spike during free periods. Bumblebee Cabbagepatch (‘27) reported,“Seniors would be wandering around, trying to find something to do, and they just wouldn’t come back. Mostly it was when they would head to the basketball court.”
This new intel led the investigation into the primary gym, where the bait was set and the stakeout commenced. Freddy Badminton (‘24) laid the trap, stating, “I was tired of watching my friends get picked off one by one. Solo badminton is only fun for about three minutes before you start to get tired. So, I agreed to be bait.”
Freddy sat down on the bleachers, taking out his phone and purposely avoiding any sporting equipment. This was when the monster revealed itself.
HSAS has a third gym teacher. Or maybe, the first. Standing at a terrifying height of exactly 5’8 and
looking like every gym teacher you’ve ever met, it may be that the first gym teacher, from which all
the others spawned, has been hiding in the bowels of the Apex all this time.
Seeing that Freddy was specifically not playing basketball on the basketball court, this mystery creature then launched into a rant. The rant continued until Freddy had evaporated, leaving nothing but a pair of airpods that he definitely wasn’t supposed to have during gym.
While the faculty and administration at HSAS have declined to comment on this newfound conspiracy, the students of HSAS have concerns.
When asked how she felt about her brother’s disappearance, Frederica Badminton (‘26) said, “The loss of my brother was tragic, and yet none of the faculty will take responsibility!”
HSAS students have used these tragic losses as motivation. Long John Silver (‘25) reports, “The Conspiracies elective is working to uncover the truth of the matter. It is unclear as of yet how deep the treachery goes.”